KNOW Thy Wife !!!
So I was just outside a couple of days ago and got talking to my neighbour and he invited me into his house to show off his new home entertainment system, complete with a big leather swivel recliner (more sofa than a chair). Very Impressive indeed with Dolby Surround Sound, big wide screen telly and Loud as hell. So I’m sitting there and he’s sitting in his BIG DADDY CHAIR as he called it (why do guys come up with the most moronic names ever for material things; its like they already have theirs and their partner’s body parts for naming, why go around naming everything else too? Okay maybe my car too has a name that happens to be my SLB or short for Sexy Little Bitch, but that’s the Only material thing I have named) and he’s flipping through all these channels that I didn’t even know existed and complaining about their picture quality, and tells with a crooked grin and a wink, his teeth showing, “yeah, I got it as a present from my wife”. I’m almost shocked, “the whole thing?” Another huge smiled flashed at me, “that’s right; and this sofa”When I was walking back home, I was envious of his good fortune and for the first time in my life I could understand why men marry. To receive home entertainment systems with big screen TVs and all the sports channels on the planet and to top it all off the biggest reclining mammoth sofa! Understood that it’s a nice thing to have wife just so she can fulfill all your childhood fantasies and let you have all the big boys toys that your mom would’ve never let you even think about! Finally the word ‘wife’ had a new meaning to me and a whole new respect.
I was just outside and the same neighbor’s wife came back from shopping and with her baby and al the shopping bags, I offered to help and took all the shopping for her into the kitchen. Okay Nice; So I go into the kitchen and his wife’s there and she’s trying to feed something to their third kid; still a toddler. I tell her “Hey! That’s Awfully Nice of you to buy that whole entertainment system for him” with a smile on my face.
She barely takes her eyes off the baby and rolls her eyes and shaking her head says, “Yeah; that should keep him out of my hair”.For a moment I’m shocked and I have no clue what to say or even how to react to that. There was the husband sitting outside with a huge smile on his face and almost projecting the image of being ‘the man of the house’ and how he’s respected so much almost to the point of being worshipped that his wife has even, to prove that point, bought him the ultimate throne to rest his royal ass on; yet here’s the wife singing a totally different tune!
I’m laughing and telling her “you’re not serious are you?”
She doesn’t have any problems telling me how if he is at home he is always poking his nose into her business and when he’s home he’s supposed to be happy with the kids and all but instead the kids (who happened to be at school) hate being at home with him, all day they are at school and when they come home they wait for him to come home and all he does is boss them around and I just cant take it anymore, always trying to boss everyone around (Okay I know this and I can sympathize with it because he has tried to show me how to clean the front of my house HIS WAY, and man I wanted to shoot him.) So the only logical thing to do was to find a way that will make him mind his own business and not care about what me or the kids are doing! This way he comes home, spends a few minutes with the kids and they go to sleep and he’s already fixed in his chair. I have nothing to worry about and don’t need to deal with any of his crap. Followed of course by a big smile from one ear to the other.
She just put the whole word of ‘wife’ into a whole new context for me. LOL.
Don’t feel so excited about the idea of getting myself a wife anymore Thank God. Almost feel sorry for the same man now that I was envious of a few days ago for having such a great wife! LOL
posted by The One Ocean @ 3/24/2005 07:00:00 AM
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